I have read a lot of inspirational words on being alone on v-day. They said, “It’s a celebration of love, not only romantic love but love for family, friends, etc” “It’s okay to be single on this day, because there are a lot of other things we should be happy about” — I’m sorry but I won’t write a support piece on this. These words seem like they come from a self-help book, which makes it even sadder, especially on this day.
“It’s okay to be single on Valentine’s day” — OF COURSE NOT. Not on this day, at least.
V-day is one single day dedicated to celebrate romantic, malice-involved, will-get-into-bed, kind of love. And it’s not okay to be single on this day. Right? Why? Because for single people like me, it’s that one day you get a constant reminder that you’re not romantically occupied.
A lot of single people “get by” being single because they’re:
1. Busy studying/working
2. Not into dating/relationships for varied reasons
3. Self-defining “YOLO”
4. Just got out of a relationship
And the list goes on. People get by, but hear this: V-day will always be one of the less beautiful days for the singles. Fact of the matter.
Being in your mid-turning-late 20’s doesn’t make it easier either. It gets particularly harder as you age, since everyone’s ideal age (by norm) to get married is around 25-35.
I’ve been single for around 2 years now, and it’s mainly by choice. The first year, I spent working on what I really wanted to do in life (it’s this age where you feel that you have to seriously pick a path you want to stay on until you grow old — quarter life crisis for most). The second year, I spent working on making my life choice fit into my current everyday life (adjustment). And in these 2 years, I have learned some stuff about dating that might be interesting to you.
1. In this day and age, love won’t simply come to you.
It’s Britney’s song, “Work B*tch” that sums it all up. Love won’t just come by cupid’s arrow or be mailed to your doorstep. It takes WORK. Lot’s of it.
2. Practice what you preach
Got some physical ideals/preferences for your future partner? guess what… they’ve got some too! If you prefer to date someone with a great physique, highly intelligent, or financially stable, always remember that these are people too, who, just like you, have standards. So If you’ve chosen a market for yourself already, be sure to work on being “IN” that market. People with hot bods discipline themselves thoroughly to achieve their physique goals, and big chances are, they’d want to date someone with similar values. An ex told me once that I needed to take care of myself better (seeing that I didn’t do that a lot) and I now see what that means. At the end of the day, getting to your personal goals can also help you in the dating scene. In A LOT of ways.
3. Don’t let your relationship status stress you out too much.
People who would often say that “dating is not my priority” are sometimes feeling the opposite. Being single can really be stressful and depressing at times, but don’t let it get to you. Don’t get stuck on that ice cream and pizza marathon in the couch. Let loose. Give yourself a little credit. There’s not one single person in this life that doesn’t have traits that would be attractive to someone else. It’s simple, really. Chances are, you already know why you’re still single, yeah? WORK ON THEM.
I was once a hopeless romantic who would often sob before I sleep. And believe me, it was very easy to just “accept that I’m not acceptable”. I am a hopeless romantic. And before, I’d only wish and dream of finding a partner for myself, in hopes of feeling the same feeling I felt when I wasn’t single. Guess what? One day I just woke up and told myself that I’m tired of dreaming. I got scared! So I scared myself until I finally worked on it. I knew what I needed to work on, I knew what I lacked – so I started working on it.
Working on what “you think” you lack (to be in the dating scene) is never easy. Whether its the confidence, social skills, self-esteem, extra pounds or that wardrobe, there will be a lot of bumps on the road. It will always be a safe haven to just eff the norms and continue living your life the way you’re doing it. The thing is… There will be people like you who will MAKE CHANGE. And unlike you, they WILL GET THERE. And life for them is never gonna be sweeter.
So don’t sob about v-day, because there’s pretty much 365 days to sob about being single. Take v-day as a wake up call. An inspiration to step up, and enter that crazy dating world for a chance to be with someone you’ll call yours.