The lengths we go to get a date

The lengths we go to get a date

When you’ve been single for quite some time, you start asking yourself WHY. There are usually two things you look at, when trying to decipher this seemingly-complex situation. These two things, however, are very much interrelated.

1. Your surroundings – do I go out? are there desirable guys/girls in my neighborhood, work, school? — if the answer is YES, you’d now jump to #2.

2. Yourself – do I look okay? do I look interesting? do I smile a lot? do I look approachable?
— If your answer to #2 is a YES, then most probably it’s a NO on #1.

Let’s face it. We all have checklists on our ideal guy. Even for people who say they don’t have a specific “type”, that’s not usually true. We all have a type. Even if it’s just a general “I want someone who’s nice” “Someone who’s God-fearing” “Someone who’s looking to settle down already” — this is still a specification we’re looking for. Else, we’re looking for mannequins. These specifics form a sub-conscious checklist that we often use when we’re out looking for the right one.

The thing is, our checklist, one that we’ve crafted from experience, is a pretty tough one. (Try writing down your ideals one by one, then imagine how many people have 80% of these ideals)

When you’ve been single long enough, you’d somehow figure out that the problem is not always with THEM. Sometimes, there’s an opportunity to improve yourself too.

“I I would definitely look better if I lose 10 pounds”
“Maybe I should go out more”
“I haven’t tried online dating…”

Thus, in this highly superficial world, let’s all admit that there are some steps we take in hopes of changing that Facebook relationship status. I’m not ashamed to admit mine, and I’m sure you’ll relate to them.


Throughout my corporate life, I have never exercised. Though I try on weekends, it’s usually overpowered by huge burgers, cakes and other food cravings. Oh, and did I forget alcohol? Stress eating is so real for most of us, and countering that seemed like a huge stretch. I even found it superficial. “Exercise? Nah. I’ll meet someone.” then months came along with more pounds, “I’ll hit the gym next week, I have a fast metabolism anyways” – you know where this went. Next week became next month, then next year, and still nothing. It’s funny how I vividly remember being too tired to move on weekends, and would complement that laziness with great food. BED + DVDs + FOOD = HAPPY LIFE.

When I decided t go out more often, that’s when I realized that I was already the biggest person in my group of friends. And there’d be nights when I’d be so eager to meet a random guy, but would end up with none, while my other friends (who looked great! with no exaggeration) would get one or even more. I’d think to myself: “Heyyy. I’m interesting too!” But I knew where the problem was.

So, hard as it was, I had to go back to the gym. I always believed that one to two weeks in the gym would do me a lot of good, since I was athletic and college and had a great metabolism. I had great confidence that, like in my college days, my metabolism would save me more hours and gym days. I WAS TERRIBLY WRONG.

It took me more than a month, (four days a week, 2 hours a day) to lose 10 pounds! You know the rest of this story. In the end, when I was back in acceptable shape, I’d score just like my friends did. It helped my then-rock-bottom self-esteem a lot. I’m not gonna sugarcoat this. Exercising isn’t easy. It takes a lot of patience, and WILL. It was harder for me since I never had a healthy lifestyle, nor did my entire family. I guess my will was great enough for me to make exercise part of my lifestyle. And for that, I’m thankful.

My takeaways on exercise:
1. It makes you look younger!
3. Self-esteem = confidence (in a lot of ways, confidence can take you to places you’ve never been)
4. Hello stranger! – I guess the formula of looking good and feeling better attracts other people too. If you feel good about yourself, it will definitely show; and some people will be interested to know the mystery behind it.



4 thoughts on “The lengths we go to get a date

  1. The feel good, look good theory does have truth to it. I believe you attract what you are on most levels. So, if your ideal person has tons of qualities you can’t even muster up in yourself, I wouldn’t expect your dream guy to walk through the door anytime soon.
    This was a good read!

  2. or….. a simple “let’s skip coffee and fuck” will do the trick.. trust me, HE will not care about your love handles.. )) anyway, loved your piece and pics made me laugh )

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