Dear Jowh

Dear Jowh,

It’s been about 9 years since I last saw you. About 7 years since I last spoke to you. 5 years since I last wrote about you. About 3 years since I last exchanged messages with you. This piece of letter maybe the most pathetic thing a lot of people would read about, but I’m now at a point where I lost the ability to care. I don’t understand why I’m writing this, but I feel like it’s the right thing to do, at this point. Within the last 10 years, there have been so many ups and downs in my life, and is saddens me to say this, but: You are still my happiest point. I never felt as happy again. I never felt as complete again. I wish we didn’t have to cut everything. I wish I still had a piece of you with me, in any form. I wish we continued communicating. I wish we became good friends, or best friends. My life has never been the same. I still hold on to that version of myself, you know. That me, who was with you. I didn’t have a car then. I didn’t have money. No career. But I had you, and that was the happiest time I ever had in my lifetime. Yes, the memories are fading, but I still remember how it all felt. You pulled me into your world, and I let you. And I never knew I’d be happier with the simple things. You showed me how the best things in life doesn’t involve money, a lot of people, recognition, and superficial things. You showed me that all it took was two people. You and I. I never knew I could be that happy in life, and I’m grateful that for an entire year and three months, I was.

You know, I always wish we fought for it. I know we’d probably still break up along the way… but at least, we’ll have gone through a depreciation stage. That stage where the love would fade. If we fought for it, at least we may have had an extension of what we had back then.

At this point in my life, I’m reaching my 30’s… and I can honestly tell you that I have nothing to look forward to. I made so many bad decisions in my life, and the good ones gave me happiness that never lasted long. So, again, I have nothing to looking forward to. Maybe that’s why I keep looking back.

And I don’t regret looking back. Because you were the best thing that ever happened to me. And you still are. I wish that one day, the supreme being would find a way for us to be together again, in any context. I’ll take it.


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